anticipatory grief
Eyes reaching up to the sky,
I cling to the fabric of your pocket.
Praying my hopes into the night.
Pillow-soaked, my tears fall quietly as you sleep.
We often think of grief as something that occurs after we have lost someone, but when a friend or loved one is diagnosed with a terminal illness, the grieving process can sometimes begin before they have died.
Anticipatory grief happens as we begin to prepare ourselves for the impending loss of the person that we love but can cause conflicting feelings of holding on to hope while preparing to let go.
Grieving the life and future that was dreamed of, or finding yourself imagining life as though the loved one is already gone though completely normal, can bring up intense feelings like guilt, confusion, sadness, hopelessness and depression.
Ways you can help yourself
Acknowledge feelings rather than hiding them as this can help in accepting the loss and fears you hold for the future. Distorting true feelings can mean that they become difficult to bring up to the surface when they need to and can result in grief becoming complicated.
Talk about feelings with someone who you trust not to misunderstand or judge you as this can help to process feelings of guilt and shame that arise and can make it easier to move through unavoidable stages of grief.
Spend meaningful time with your loved one and have conversations with them about your relationship, what they mean to you and the worries you have as this can also allow loved ones to share how they are feeling too and can prevent feelings of regret when they have died.
Be kind to yourself, and remember that some days may feel a lot harder than others. Identify time for relaxation, and connection with friends and family. Schedule regular well-being time such as going for a walk in the park with friends or cooking a nice meal, video-time or calling friends who you can laugh with. Take 5 minutes to breathe deeply, or listen to relaxing music and ultimately remember to reassure yourself that you will be okay.